I knew I would feel the excitement and blues of leaving once I began the process of quitting and transitioning into the planning and packing mode. Well, I gave notice last week at work and my last day with USC will be July 2nd. I felt very at peace when I handed in my resignation. And, today was my last day tutoring with Jonathan. After nearly 2 years of privately tutoring him, I felt very protective and attached. I'm not sure what he felt or if our last tutoring session even affected him, but it was a bittersweet moment for me. Not that he needed any tutoring, but I asked if he felt that our meetings together helped improve his performance at school and his reply, with a big head nod, was "I think I'm a better reader now." I guess that's all the emotion I'll get from a soon to be 6th grade boy. Having to tell Mr. Lee was harder than I expected. I felt the gratitude and disappointment in his voice. Or, maybe I just imagined it. We shook hands and he said "Good Luck with Peace Corps". Really, my being so super emotional annoys me.
On my drive home, I began to wonder how I will feel when my 2 years in Cambodia finishes. Being ultra sensitive all my life and knowing I'll never change, I really can't imagine thinking or feeling like, Finally!! I hated this place. I'm never coming back." And, once I start thinking about PC, I have to ask myself the reason(s) for joining. It always yields the same reason: the experience--the experience as a whole and the individual pieces of it. The experience of change. The experience of not living with my parents at the ripe age of 27. The experience of quitting the library after so many years of looking for a gig thats more professionally and intellectually stimulating. But, these reasons are too obvious. I guess I want to know if I'm looking for something more...deeper...yea, a deeper meaning. Is there?